For those who are close to me and worry about me, don't. Do remember that, statistically speaking, it will take as many as 5 years for me to "get over" him. Almost one full year down and counting!
As much as I have moved on in this short time, I still look at the ways he has behaved over the past year and just don't understand. How or why would he do to me what he has when he claimed to have loved me at the time? And, if he loved me so much and wanted to keep his family together, why.....? If he loves his kids as much as he claims, why is he not putting them first?
I know, "it's the addiction." Well, his addiction isn't getting as much legal press as it should, then. If the addiction is controlling him so much, why isn't the addiction being noticed by the "outside" world? Why does he still have driving privileges where the kids are concerened? It all makes no sense to me.
Maybe someone else will eventually start holding him accountable for his actions, or at least detach. Very few others have to this point. I understand why...heck, I was in denial for many more years than I would have admitted a year, even 6 months, ago. Even in April when I began the treatment program with him, I was NOT a codependent, much less an enabler! How wrong I was! My physical health suffered at least as much as my mental health. I realize, too, that the physical distance between us has helped immensely in my recovery. It's much easier to deal with yourself when you are not being pummelled by the chaos and insanity.
I hope and pray that it will "all work out" in the end. I am happy to report that I am in a better place, both physically and emotionally/mentally. I am not yet where I want to be, but I am confident the kids and I will end up in a better place. It will be a long, hard road to get there, but we will succeed! My hope lies in the kids and me, though I see how his attitude is affecting them. I must stay strong in my convictions to do what is right for them by doing what is right for us all.
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