I can't believe it myself, but I did it. Tonight at the kids' dropoff I actually walked up to the truck and told her, "I forgive you for breaking up my marriage. I do not forgive you for being in the kids' lives before the divorce is final, but I forgive you for taking him away from me."
Now, some of you may be spitting fire and shooting smoke out your ears at hearing this. However, forgiveness does NOT mean that I trust her or like her. It sure as hell doesn't mean that I approve of her being in anyone's life. It doesn't mean a lot of the things that so many of you are ranting right now.
It means that I have put down the load. I have put down the load of hatred and anger and resentment. I have put down the load I have been carrying for so long, the load that has weighed ME down and has caused me such pain.
Do not misunderstand this...I do not want her around my children. I still consider her an enabler to his addictions. I consider her an accomplice to his two OVI's, especially the one where our son was in the car last March. What I have done is I have forgiven her for destroying my hopes and dreams.
Now I have new ones in place and I am moving on. It feels strangely calming, having actually said the words to her face. I have reached a new point in my spirituality and in my healing and recovery. Wow! Wasn't sure what to expect, but this is it.
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