Vent du Jour

It's a shame, really...he is so far in denial that he doesn't see how negative his choices are.  He is either truly evil-incarnate or he is still so much sicker than he admits.  I know my recovery is not complete.  It never will be complete.  However, I know how far I've come and how far I have to go.

He asks why I am "bitter and critical".  This projection clouds the fact that it was just an observation.  It's just a fact - I pulled up to the house to find that not only was he not at the house cleaning as I was lead to believe, but he wasn't at the house at all!  In fact, there wasn't a single track in the snow, indicating that he hadn't been there since the day before.

Why was he supposed to be cleaning the house?  Because someone wanted to look at it to possibly buy it!  Ok, so he didn't clean.  I will not use this forum to detail exactly how he managed to embarrass me with the hideous state of the house.  Regardless, he is in a sad state.

What's really sad about all this is that he just doesn't get how it all affects the kids.  Don't change to prove to me that you are what you claim.  I gave up on that expectation long ago.  Do it for the kids.  Do it for the daughter who still idolizes you.  Do it for the son who is trying to figure out what the man of the house is supposed to be.  But, no.  He's so far in his recovery, he's fine.  He is the one who is doing well and everyone else has to catch up with him.

One conclusion I have reached is that he will not necessarily change because he is dry (not that I have any proof of that).  Faking it til you make it does not necessarily lead to change.  He faked a lot the last several years, in fact, much of our marriage.  He never changed, though, to prove the faked statements.  Lying has become such a way of life for him - the half truths and manipulations - that (assuming he is not evil-incarnate) he no longer knows where the line is.

Too bad for him!  I am now off to study the state of Indiana with our son.  He has a project due this week and he can't wait to get online and find the info.  I sure with every day were like this!  Proactive towards homework...every parent's dream:)