Remembering to be thankful for the good is very difficult when your mind, body and soul are being pummelled by emotional turmoil. The ambush seems like too much to handle at times. It seems no one understands what you are truly going through...even my sisters-in-law who were all cheated on by their ex-spouses. I want to shout out, "At least they were honest with you about it all!" My almost-ex is still denying having done anything wrong.
This post comes about a week after having been pummelled by the emotions. I am in a much better place now, but it still hurts. When you love and trust someone so deeply and they just throw it in your face, telling you that you are not good enough; that it's your fault; heck, he even finally admitted in our last counseling session back in May that I'm not good at anything and that I'm not even pretty. Of course, I do not believe his words as I am confident in who I am. However, it does not reduce the raw ripping of the soul that occurs when your soulmate does this to you.
So, I am going to take this time to be thankful. The list changes as events and situations warrant, but I still have lots for which to be grateful:
Today. The sun is shining. My kids and I shared a bacon and eggs breakfast at the table this morning.
My family - too many reasons to list.
My friends - OMG! The ways you have been there for me are too numerous to mention, too.
All the acquaintances in my life who have touched me in some way...I still think back to the many customers at my "old" Skyline...the anonymous woman who left the hand-written message on a napkin - I saved it; Dave; Seven and "Eight" - yes, the good Lord has more than multiplied by 10-fold; the many others who said or sent positive comments my way. Cindy, who has been so helpful with my moving.
Having a gas gauge and fuel sensor that work!
Beginning my grad classes this week. I am on my way to being a full-fledged teacher again!
Having begun to make amends to my students who have had to suffer the consequences of my lack of focus on them and their work during this first semester.
Having a roof over our heads and food to eat; clothes to wear.
My jobs, employers and colleagues.
Oh, I can't forget my group friends - my monthly family group and anon friends. So many of you have been an inspiration to me and such a support.
And, that's just the beginning. There are many, many more reasons for which I am grateful. But, that will have to wait. My son is beckoning...we need to find Ninja's hat and sword:)
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