It's interesting...

It's interesting how certain individuals switch loyalties (and morals & values) as easily as one changes their clothing.  The journey that was thrust upon me has really opened my eyes to the reality of some of the people who were once in my life.  I didn't realize how "expendable" I was to them.

The journey that I am now embracing is showing me the reality of those who are still in my life, too.  I hadn't realized just how blessed I was (and still am) by the many sincere people He put in my life.  It is thanks to the hell (yes, hell) I was put through that I ended up on this path and am now able to appreciate the gifts He has given me.

It is interesting how life's difficulties can bring about positive change, if only we are open to it.  Our eyes must be open to see the possibilities; our ears must be open to hear the message; our hearts must be open to embrace the serenity, courage and wisdom that He has prepared for us.

It is interesting how the truth comes out in the end.  I used to worry, plan, worry some more and then obsess about things over which I had not control.  I used to be so frustrated that no one understood my plight; that his family didn't care about what he was and is doing to the kids.  The heck with me - I can take care of myself.  But, the kids?!  The truth will be seen one day, if not by them then by the kids.  And I do not have to worry or obsess or even shout from the rooftops what I see.

I was recently told by a fellow recovering anon'er that I don't have to tell everyone (i.e., his family) how horrible he has made the kids' lives.  I don't have to tell them the depth of difficulty, sadness and hurt that he inflicted upon me.  Anyone with their eyes and ears open will readily see and hear and know.  I do not have to worry and obsess that they don't get it.  They may never get it, and that is their loss.  They may never want to regain what they once had - sanity, confidence, calm, serenity, and a solid relationship with me and/or the kids.

It is interesting how we learn to hold onto what is truly important when push comes to shove.  I have accomplished things in the past 11 months that I never dreamed possible.  I have matured in ways that I never imagined.  My hopes and dreams are not what they once were.  Yes, I still lament the old ones sometimes - it's natural and normal.  However, my new hopes and dreams gleam just as brightly as any hopes and dreams of my past life.  They are just different.  They include people who truly love me and don't use me, my love, my care, my everything as long as it suits them.

It is interesting how hind sight can change your perception of your old perceptions.  The vision is so clear now without the fog hanging over me.  I was so blinded by my love for him and my false beliefs of him.  He truly ended up not being who and what I thought he was.  The person to whom he introduced me those many years ago is not the person he ended up being.  Was it all a facade?  Was it all an act?  I do not know.  I find it hard to believe that I have ever known the real him.  It's hard to tell.  I know that I loved who I thought he was.  I know that I believed he had good deep down, even when he was being his most ass-holean (as one counselor put it).

It is interesting, too, how the mind can send itself into a tailspin or can take the bull by the horns and triumph over the difficulties presented.  Today will be a day of triumph.  Today is good.  Today is what I make of it.