Letting Go...In Your Dreams

No, really.  I have had two great nights of letting go.  It's really hard to explain, but while I'm sleeping, I feel like I am letting go of things that are weighing me down.  I don't remember every detail of what specifically I am letting go, but I know I am letting go.

I know what I need to let go, too.  So, maybe I am doing that in my sleep.  Again, it's like the weight I felt lifted off my shoulders last spring as I took the steps necessary to detach from my ex.  Even then, I could feel the physical lift of the weight and the release of the stress.  It was (and continues to be) a surreal experience.

Now, for those of you wondering about the "ex" comment...  Yes, even though the divorce is not final, he is my ex-husband, my ex-soulmate, my ex-everything.  I have to interact with him only because of and for the kids, but that is it.  I do not have to interact with him for anything else, if I choose.

He does not engage in our lives for the purpose of doing what's best for the kids so I interact with him as little as possible.  He tries to "make nice" with comments like, "yes, silly," or "I saw so-and-so at such-and-such restaurant."  Really?  Does he really think we are buddies?  That we are friends?  He has a lot of apologizing and amending to do before that can be an option.

Would I like to reconcile to the point where we can be friendly?  Absolutely.  But, he is not there yet.  He has not done what is necessary to even begin reconciliation of any sort.  It used to bother me that he wasn't progressing in the direction or at the speed that I wanted in order to be able to reconcile to some level of friendship.  Now, it no longer bothers me.  I have accepted and let go of that which was weighing me down.

He is no longer my baggage.  He is no longer my responsibility.  He has many others who are enabling him now; others who are helping him not to take responsibility for himself; others who are covering up and minimizing his choices; others who will do anything to make sure he continues on this selfish path.  Perhaps they do not yet understand their role in this as I did not understand mine until I began recovery last spring.  I drew my boundary and he crossed it.  Game over.

On to more letting go!  Now, I let must let God.