Forgiveness? Reconciliation?

I know full and well that forgiveness does not mean reconciliation.  I do not see the use in forgiving him today when tomorrow there will be something new to forgive.  I know this is not WWJD, but I am not He.  I am human and I was beaten to an emotional and mental pulp over the past several years.  Do I want to continue carrying this heavy load?  It's actually not as heavy as it once was.  I often feel like I have forgiven him in my head and even in my heart - I do not feel weighed down with major burdens, hatred and bitterness anymore. 
However, I still am upset about it all and that is why I haven't completely forgiven him.

I forgave him many, many times from 2007 until last March for what he had done to me.  I have not forgiven him for anything he has done to the kids - I am not the one who ultimately needs to do that anyway.  I have not truly forgiven him for anything he has done starting March 14 - he hasn't stopped!  I was ready to forgive him a couple of times - I even said the words once - but then he had to take out the serated knife, insert and twist...again and again.

Most of my lack of desire is against reconciliation even though I know that reconciliation does not mean getting back together.  It means that we have redefined our relationship and can actually get along or completely go our separate ways.  The latter is not possible since we have kids together.  However, I am not to the point yet where I can get along with someone who continues to choose to be such an ass towards his kids and me. 

When someone continues to call you things like "bitch" and "cunt" when you are doing what's right, there's just no reason to reconcile.  This is not the relationship I want to have - I'd rather haven none at all.  When someone shows up at an event to which he was directly told not to attend, there's no reason to reconcile.  It takes two - I am not giving in so he can continue to take advantage of the kids and me.

If reconciliation is to occur, it will happen with us both, not just with my letting him continue his manipulative, name-calling, badgering and threatening ways.  In the past I never said anything because I believed (and still do) that I could take care of myself.  Now, I have come to the realization that I am worth more than that.  I deserve to be treated, at minimum, with dignity.  He does not have the right to treat me like a worthless piece of shit whose course he determines solely for his benefit or what he "thinks" is mine.