Some things never change...

I found this draft from February of 2011.  While the specific events are different, the behaviors are the same, a year and a half later.  And, I am over his stupidity during the Cub Scout build.  He had nothing to do with this year's derby AT ALL.  Status quo.

I used to hope that he would turn away from his addiction and his enablers and become the best father on earth.  Heck, I loved him for over 20 years.  You can't just strip yourself of wanting the best for someone when the love is true.  However, I no longer hope for that.  He has spent too much time and energy on destroying all the positive energy I had for him, despite all the negative he had wrought upon me.  I am not seeing the long-term, sustained changes in him.  He is not holding or taking responsibility for the actions that brought us all to this point.  I am shown more and more each day that if he did love the kids and me, he most certainly didn't love us more than his selfish wants and desires.  As a fellow anon'er put it, "He loved me the best way he could."

Yes, he had one tiny almost-positive a couple of weeks ago - when I called to see if he was coming to our son's Cub Scout event, he did not make up any excuses.  He stumbled and stammered, but in the end, admitted that he hadn't even thought about it.  Of course, he did have to add that he sees so many of our son's activities but has hardly seen any of our daughter's.  That's where the copout occurred.

So, once again, something else was more important to him than his kids.  If they are such a burden, then just walk away and leave us all alone.  If they are so important, then stop picking and choosing if/when/where you will show up.  Yes, he bullied his way into the Pinewood Derby Car building time.  No, he didn't get physical or verbal or anything at the meeting.  However, I specifically answered him, "No," when he asked if he was invited.  I wasn't about to make a scene in front of our son.  That would not have been right.  The father who believes he is entitled to shared parenting couldn't answer a simple email indicating when he wanted to build the car with our son, but he sure as hell could show up on the night I rearranged my scheduled to step in since the Derby was just over a week away at that point.  Yes, it upsets me.  I wouldn't be human if it didn't.  No, I am not ready to forgive him for this.