The Season to Celebrate

It's hard to believe that Advent is nearing an end and Christmas is just around the corner.  We are preparing to celebrate round 2, my Grandma's Christmas, this weekend.  Last weekend was difficult because I had to say my final good-byes to "what was" part of my Christmases past.  It was a difficult few days, but I did it and am continuing on my way through my recovery and healing.

I realized through my grieving process this week that I have much to prepare to celebrate in addition to what I can celebrate now:

I have two beautiful kids who are very caring, loving and precious.
I have a job.  It's part-time, but it is a foundation nonetheless.
I have a full-time job prospect for next school year.
I begin my Master's program in January.
I am 12 semester hours away from being a "real" teacher again!
I am pursuing a 2nd endorsement on my teaching license.

Eventually the big-time grieving will be over.  The bad thing about a divorce is that the death keeps recurring.  It's not just a matter of someone dying and you experience your "first" whatever without them.  In the case of a divorce, especially one with such betrayal and infidelity, every day can bring on a new death, the death of another component of the relationship.  Another death of what was or what could have been.  Having the person in your life is like having the dead person come back over and over again, only to throw in your face a big "Ha!"  It's all in how you deal with it that makes or breaks your days, weeks, months and years.

I am approaching year one of finding out that he never really ended the affair in the first place, back in 2007.  It is also the first anniversary of beginning to unravel the depth to which he lied to and betrayed me.  For starters, they were involved with each other much longer than he led me to believe.  Then, just the other day he said the lies were to "protect" me.  That might have held water up to the point where I found out about the affair back in 2007.  After that, it's CYA, nothing more and nothing less.  It is cowardly behavior, afraid to take responsbility for one's own choices and not being man enough to tell me the truth and to let me go at the first realization that having zero contact with her was not an option for him.

For today, though, I am celebrating all that I have and the small steps I am taking in accomplishing today.  I am celebrating the positive in my life and letting go of the rest.  Having made the conscience decision the other day to let go and let God has brought that wave of contentment and peace back into my heart and soul.  Now, THAT is something to celebrate!