It is amazing to me how tumultuous this journey has become yet the good Lord helps me to stay fairly calm through much of what happens. Here are some thoughts for those of you in a similar situation. These thoughts have helped me to stay focused and not to get wrapped up in the chaos of the tempest for long periods at a time. I pray that you, too, find that the pull of the desire to engage in the tempest will diminish little by little and that you will find ways of pulling away from the chaos.
1. My tempest: "If you would just listen to me...." - Me: I remember that my tempest's actions are speaking far more loudly than his words. When one's words contain mostly lies and half-truths, at best, his actions show his true intentions.
2. My tempest: "You are a f-ing idiot." - Me: Again, this is one of the actions that is speaking much more loudly than his words of cooperation and team-building. This indicates that he is still in denial and has not, nor is he ready, to accept responsibility for what he has done in the past. It also indicates that he is not making true sustainable changes for the present and future. He is still in "image mode," - making people believe what they see even though he is doing elsewise when no one is looking. The image he wants others to believe is far removed from his internal thoughts and behind the scenes actions. It's what you do when no one is looking that really matters.
3. My tempest: "You are just trying to make my life difficult." - Me: If making his life difficult is what keeps the kids as safe as possible for the moment, then yes, that is what I am doing. I am not concerned with how easy or difficult his life is right now. I am concerned with the fact that the children have been put in danger by his choices and actions. Unfortunately, he has been able to avoid any repercussions for his actions because #1 & especially #2 are in effect.
4. Our 7-yr-old son: "Mommy, I want to marry [my cousin] and she said no. She has broken my heart."
Me: I explain that brothers/sisters and cousins do not marry, but they can be the best of friends.
Our 7-yr-old: "Maybe I can have a wife and have [my cousin] as my girlfriend. If I tell my wife about it ahead of time, maybe she won't be mad at me."
Me: thoughts in head, "Way to go Ex-Lax! What a role model you are being for our son!"
5. My tempest: says anything that puts me down, is degrading, makes me question my sanity. Me: refer to #1 & #2.
6. Me: Pray. I pray a lot, and not just for the kids and me. Not just for my family who are being ever so gracious in providing us the shelter, the emotional and financial support so necessary at this time in our lives. They are giving everything, yet asking for nothing in return.
Dear Lord,
Thank you for surrounding us with so many caring individuals. Our family is so supportive in this time when they would rather be waging revenge on those who have put us here. Please continue to give them serenity, courage and strength as they continue on their journey through these changes.
I continue to pray, too, for my tempest, his demon and his other enablers. May they find the strength and courage to come to You for help. May they find the path to those who can support them in this chaotic time in their lives, too. They know not what they do, Father. Amen
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