GRATITUDE

G rateful for the many folks who have passed through my life, for from you I have
R eceived opportunities that have helped me to become the person I am today.
A lways searching for the good, the positive in life.
T hough difficult to do sometimes,
 I try my best to see the possibilities.
T ruth and honesty are of
U tmost importance.  Without them, there can be no true
D edication of the heart to those around us.
E ver grateful for all that life has to offer, given by Him.

I was on my way home from school the other day, trying to pull myself out of my emotional/mental funk.  Yep, I hear these funks can last for the next 5 years before they rarely rear their heads.  Anyway, a "random" message came across the radio, a reading of a quote by Melodie Beatty, someone who has written several books about letting go and letting God; about how to change our perspective of a situation to a more positive outlook.

I was introduced to her work at the outpatient program, family component, back in April/May.  It is amazing how possible it IS to see things in a more positive light if we only let go of what we cannot control or change.  Focus on myself and what I am able to do, not on anyone else and what they are or are not doing, right, wrong or indifferent.  Sometimes I wonder if I've gone too far in not responding at all to good, bad or indifferent, but I figure the same goes for others as it does for me...I cannot make anyone do or say anything, or feel a particular way by what I say to them. 

While I try to be civil with and show dignity towards most people, those who have hurt me are not getting anything beyond civility and minimum energy from me at this time.  I cannot afford to expend anymore energy trying to help anyone who doesn't want the help.  I cannot afford to waste energy showing and telling someone how to improve their life when they don't see it as I do.  I cannot afford to waste energy on anyone whose sole purpose in life (according to their actions) is to ruin the kids' or mine.  I cannot afford to be someone's cheerleader when they are only half-hearted in their efforts.  I will let them make their free will choices to destroy their own lives, but will not allow them to take me down with them.

I am GRATEFUL that I have the free will to choose to do better, to follow a better way of life for me and the kids, and with those with whom I choose to remain close.