Still blocking my own recovery...and riding the rollercoaster.

It's so hard NOT to do.  I obsess on the ridiculously outrageously dangerous and wrong things he does and it completely derails my recovery.  How can I not?  He passed out with a nearly .25 blood alcohol level WHILE THE KIDS WERE WITH HIM!  He tells our daughter that "mommy is filing motions to make the divorce take longer" and then he points the finger and tells ME I'm the one not in recovery?  Even though I KNOW I am right, it is so infuriating.  And, you know what's even MORE infuriating than all that?!

His probation officer has been given proof positive that he has consumed alcohol while on probation and there is still NOTHING on the docket to address the issue.  That is so ludicrous.  Once again, he is not held accountable for his actions.  I am so stinking frustrated by it all.  People have gone to jail for much less than he has done and he doesn't even get the proverbial "slap on the wrist."  People are on the news for the things he has done to our children, but he is "fine.  Nothing wrong."

So in a matter of 2.5 months, he will be "free."  No more probation hanging over his head.  No restrictions (though there really are none) for driving.  Nothing.  Just his freedom to continue to mentally and emotionally abuse the children and me.  The schools are working so hard on fighting bullying yet this adult is allowed to continue his abusive tendancies.

The kids deserve so much better than this.  They should not have to be subjected to his need for promises - "You know I'm your daddy, right?  You promise?"  They should not have to be subjected to his propensity (and all-natural lifestyle) to lie - "I agreed to keeping the holidays the way they were." 

Really?  This is actually a good one for the "ride."  There is no record of his being the one to agree to keeping Christmas the same as they grew up with it.  Now he blames my alleged inflexibility last Thanksgiving (2010) for the fact that he's not holding true to this assertion.  The ironic thing is that I have kept a journal that indicates he is LYING!  I offered to let him hang with the kids while the kids and I were at the house the day after Thanksgiving.  I can't wait for our new court date.  Keep on giving me the evidence!