It's been a rough week, but there is light at the end of the tunnel!

Home, work, ex.  It's been a rough week.  Unfortunately, the worst part is that my children are suffering at the hands of their father.

I was told by the kids again this morning that their father and his wife have repeatedly told my son that I hate him because he reminds me of his dad.  What kind of father does and allows that?  One who is unhappy himself.

The other intelligent thing they have done is to renege on an agreement we made a couple of weeks ago  I agreed he could pick the kids up early on a particular day he requested and I said sure, if I could have our daughter after her Christmas concert.  He agreed.  Now, because he's mad at me about a separate incident (or maybe he's mad that he has to spend an additional 3 hours with our son after the concert?), and he is telling my daughter that she will not go with me and my family for the girls' Christmas outing that was planned.  This is, of course, after he benefited from his end of the deal.  What kind of father does this?  One who is unhappy himself.

You'll notice that I have referred to the children as "mine," not as "ours."  Why would I be so bold?  It is because he is hurting the children with words like these.  A good father (yes, I said it, too!) would not hurt his children because he is mad at his ex, their mother.

I remember the day, when I was still at the house, when he said he didn't want parental rights.  He was terribly drunk and later claimed not to remember having said this.  If only I had had a recording device...

Fortunately for me, at least one of my three problems is resolved - work.  Home is on hold right now, at least for a couple of days.  My son is so hurt and confused, he has been acting out again.  The good news is that he had settled back down before leaving with his other family.

Time to hunker down and cuddle with the pups.  Looking forward to a good night's sleep.

Me.

Sober jackass or drinking again?

Back in 2010-11 when I was attending the family program for addicts, I became very frustrated about my ex's constant swing between active addict and dry drunk.  The counselor alluded to the fact that it was possible that my ex could end up a sober jackass - he very well could be a nasty SOB.  I didn't want to believe that he was truly that evil, but I am again wondering if that is possible.

Over the past 6 years, he has ridden the rollercoaster of addiction, often leaving clues that he might be (was?) drinking again.  He has left little nibblets over the past few months, but he has really started up again.  I can tell because he initiates communications that are completely unnecessary or even nasty.  What's the latest?

He had asked if he could pick up the kids early this afternoon since he is going out of town for work tomorrow.  I replied no because we had tickets to an afternoon play performance.  He commented on my inflexibility (like I really have ESP, can see into the future and planned to attend this particular performance because I knew he would want to adjust his visit time!) and has been throwing a temper tantrum.  How?

He communicated with me this week that tonight he expected me to return some of our son's electronics (which he has had confiscated until he pays restitution for taking a pipe wrench to our lawnmower and for other deliquency).  I did not comply so when he arrived this evening, he told our daughter to tell me I had to go out to his car.  Not her job to be the messenger so I stayed in the house.  He tooted the horn.  I still stayed inside.  He came up ON the front porch (he usually stays down on the sidewalk) and reached out as if he were going to open the screen door so I locked it.

I put the top window down so the screen was there and he went off like a rocket -
"Dr. [Seuss] said you go to the nines ...."  No, that was you who said that, not Dr. [Seuss].
"You have to return the items."  When our son has finished paying restitution, he can have them.
"You can't.... he's a kid and he can't pay back the [hundreds of dollars] that he owes."

What I wanted to say, but was afraid the children would hear since the car door was open was:
And you want him to end up like you?  Everyone enabling him and allowing him to get away with immense wrongdoing with no consequences?!  Oh, yes, that is it.

He really went off - yelling, huffing.  I told him good-bye and shut the upper window on him and he went stomping back to his car.  A few minutes later, I received a text that threatened that if I did not return the items, he would not allow our daughter to go with me after her chorus concert.  Stomp, stomp, 😠 tantrum, tantrum 😡 Some things never change 😝

Now for today's positives, just a few of the many wonderful blessings in life:

• The kids and I enjoyed my school's theatrical performance with a colleague, her mother and daughter, after meeting for lunch and then a quick spin through a local department store.
• We were able help a friend by loaning her family a dog crate to use until their puppy outgrows it (and she will!).
• The kiddos and I finally had a few minutes yesterday to just sit and veg for a bit.  Life has been hectic, but we took the very needed deep breath.
• Our son met with his new counselor and it looks like this may be a very good thing, indeed.
• This weekend's volunteering is Christmas related and will be lots of fun!