Lies, Lies, Lies

Here is an email I drafted, but did not send.  I composed it the day after a meeting with our son's counselor.  At that meeting, I brought up the topic of the court officer's recommendations to the magistrate about the children's father's visitation time.  Finally, an official court report acknowledged the horrifying degree to which he has an alcoholism problem!

At the meeting yesterday, the false facade continued.  The bold-faced lies continued.  But the counselor was kind and, in my opinion, falling for the manipulation.  He was giving a benefit of the doubt and telling me that he understood the way I felt, but that those behaviors were in the past.  NO THEY ARE NOT.  He is doing it right here in front of you!

Why do so many people believe the liar's words, but not the truth teller's?  The truth teller has to provide evidence in order to be believed.  The liar just has to pass words over his lips.  "The truth will set you free."  Maybe he is trapped in a hell I cannot even imagine.  However, the liar's words mean nothing to me.  He has been telling these same lies for nearly 7 years now, probably more if I go back and really analyze our nearly 20 years together.  It's the same cycle, over and over again.  And the cycle is making its rounds in a shorter amount of time now than 7 years ago.  The lies are building more frequently and more deeply.

So, here's the email that was not sent:

As I said yesterday with [our son's counselor], I wish we could have more open communication.  However, it will not happen as long as you don't respond to emails and you send threatening and harassing emails/texts.  It will not happen as long as you and your family continue to lie and tell half truths.  

Maybe you don't even realize it.  Maybe you don't remember.  Just like when we were together, you think you say/do things when you really haven't.  Your wife suffers from the same affliction.  

I prefer to believe that all this is happening because you are so sick and your brain is so damaged.  The only other option for me is that you are true evil and you do not care - and I don't want to believe that.  I can't believe it for the kids' sake.

Saying that you are an alcoholic and that you cannot drink are first steps, but it is not taking responsibility for your choices, remembered or not.  It is neither taking responsibility for nor changing the continued anti-cooperative behaviors that you continue to perpetuate towards me.