It's amazing to me how far I've come in this "journey" yet how things never seem to change. Here are just a few examples:
Just today, I texted the ex- to let him know that one of our children has an appointment near his new job on daddy visitation day. I offered to drop off the children a after the appointment and then we could do the end of visit drop off nearby, too. His reply? Yes, he would IF I would be flexible in the time he gets to pick up the children this weekend because he is going out of town. We have tickets to a local school's play at the time he wants to get the children, but I am inflexible. This is reminiscent of the weekend we had tickets to a Reds baseball game and he wanted to adjust the time - I was inflexible because I wouldn't change.
Then, the request on Wednesday before Thanksgiving to get the kids "early" on Friday after Thanksgiving (his court-ordered time was 7:00 p.m.). When I offered that he could work our son's shift at the Boy Scout tree sale from 1-5 and then pick up our daughter right afterwards, he replied that he would pick up our daughter at 4:45 and then come get our son. But I "am the one who repeatedly docks his time with the kids."
Oh, and did I mention that it is MY responsibility to punish our children when they do something wrong at HIS house? That is his belief. When I texted him a couple of weeks ago to let him know that our son had taken something from his house, his reply was, "What are you going to do to punish him?"
And the children's school and grades? It is MY responsibility to make sure all their work is being completed, even when they are with him. When I refused to respond to his emails and texts telling me what a bad mother (and teacher of one of our children) I am, he texted, "I expect a response or I will be coming to the door to talk to you when I drop the kids off." Yes, he did walk up to the front porch, but did not come to the door. He left in an angry huff when I turned the tables back on him reminding him that HE also is a parent to our children and he is responsible for them when they are with him and, YES, he is expected to be a parent to them during those times - even homework!!
I would be perfectly happy if I never had to communicate with him again. Unfortunately, I have another 5 years to go. I just keep on doing all the positive work I started years ago. I remind myself on a daily basis that I am doing a great job (especially under the circumstances) and that no matter what he says, I am a good mom.
Unfortunately, our children are affected by his and his family's insanity. The children repeatedly report that he and his wife fight every time the children are there. The adults also bad mouth me both within earshot of the kids and directly to them. He finds it laughable that he has to "support" me financially (I stayed at home while he earned his Bachelor's and continued to build his career) while my salary is not even in the "living wage" category, based on a study by MIT. He earns a 6 figure income after recently purchasing a $450k house that he had built and owning an Audi S4 while his wife owns some sort of cheap SUV crossover (that sounds familiar!). What he has obviously forgotten is that it is addiction and his addictive behaviors that cause him to spend his money til he has none left.
I just don't have time for this!! If only I did have the power to control things as he thinks I do...
